By Leaf staff writer Naomi Dunford https://xxnaomi.com
If you’re new to therapy – or it’s been a long time since you’ve worked with a therapist – it’s common to be a little nervous at the unknowns of it all. This can be especially true if you’ve received a recent diagnosis, and you’re still coming to grips with having a condition that needs managing.
But working with a therapist can be a life-changing process of discovery, where you learn more about who you are, what makes you “tick”, and what options you have for learning coping strategies that will help you navigate the challenges of life more easily.
But all new things could benefit from a little “before you start” guidance, a little learning what to expect before you begin. So as you prepare to begin working with a therapist of your own, here’s some advice that will help your journey off to a smooth start.
Know your goals as best you can.
When you begin working with a therapist for a mental health issue, it’s easy to simplify the goal you’re working towards.
Often we think about such things as “dealing with my anxiety” or “learning how to stop being depressed”. Those are good overall outcomes, but high-level descriptions like those might not give you the benefit of direction as you talk to your therapist.
Having specific goals, outcomes or changes you’re working towards can help streamline the process.
If anxiety is getting in the way of your work, one of those goals might be “managing my anxiety enough to get my projects done on time.” Or if depression has led you to withdraw from friends and family, a goal could be to find a way rebuild your social connections and improve your intimate relationships.
Goals like those give you something specific to work on, and can help guide your therapist in discussing strategies that will help you achieve those individual outcomes.
Trust takes time, but try your best.
Opening up to someone about the mental health issues you’re dealing with takes bravery and commitment, and sometimes that’s not the fastest process in the world. It can be even more challenging if your issues have left you feeling embarrassed or ashamed.
Your therapist wants to be a trusted partner in your mental health management, and they will understand that it may take you some time to get comfortable with them.
You can even tell them when you reach a point where talking about something in particular may be beyond your comfort zone. They can help you work through that, or potentially take an alternate approach to discuss things you’re more comfortable with right now.
As you work with your therapist, keep in mind that they can help you more when you’re able to be fully honest with them about the issues you’re facing and the feelings you’re dealing with. Try your best to expand your willingness to communicate over time, building on the successes you have in your therapy sessions.
Schedule “before and after” time.
Because therapy can be an emotional, introspective experience, it can often have some ripple effects immediately following your session. Like a good workout at the gym, sometimes you’re “feeling it” for a while afterwards.
It can be a good idea to arrange your schedule so that after your session, you have some time to collect your thoughts and not have to hit the ground running on something else that might require significant attention or social interaction. You might need a little time to catch your breath.
Consider the kinds of things that feel good and safe to you that you might want to do after a session that requires digging into your emotions and feelings. Try and make space for that after your sessions if you can to get some breathing room.
It’s also a good idea to have some pre-session space as well, where you can prepare yourself for whatever it is you’ll be talking about that day. That time might also be a space for you to ground for a while and clear your mind of your day-to-day obligations so that you can enter into your session focused on what you want to say and do.
Clarify some starting symptoms.
When you first start working with a therapist, they’re going to ask you what’s happening in your life relative to whatever mental health issues you’re facing.
However, not all issues present the same way for all people. Some people have the kind of anxiety that makes them awkward in social situations, where other people’s anxieties prevent them from doing important life management tasks like paying an overdue bill. It’s different for everyone.
It’s helpful to get some clarity on how you want to describe your issues to your therapist so they can know what specifics you’re dealing with. Making a list of the symptoms you’re experiencing, or specific difficulties you’re having trouble with, can give your therapist a sense of direction and an easier time connecting with you on what you need help with.
Got questions? Write them in advance.
Your therapist will have plenty of questions for you as they get to know you and your situation, but you may have a number of questions of your own.
You may be wondering how long therapy might take before getting results, or whether or not you can expect to make progress on your issues without needing medication. (Or you might be wondering if medication might be exactly what you need!)
Some of your questions will undoubtedly come to mind during your therapy sessions, but you might appreciate having a list of questions going in that you can reference once you’re there. You can close a lot of open loops quickly that way, and make sure you get the answers you need.
Keep your stakes low.
When you begin working with a therapist, it’s a good idea not to build too many stakes or immediate expectations into the experience, at least at the start. This way your time together can be as stress-free as possible.
Many people “click” with their first therapist and have an amazing experience right from the beginning. Others have to talk to a few different therapists before they find the one that’s right for them. There are plenty of therapists in the world, so it’s not a showstopper if the first one you contact doesn’t end up being a perfect fit.
Getting started is easier when you know what to expect.
The more you know about what it’s like working with a therapist, the more easily you can begin the process of working with one and getting the help you need.
It can also be useful to talk to people you know who have been through therapy themselves, so you can get an idea of what to expect and understand more about what’s normal and typical.
As you begin your first session with a therapist, take these pieces of advice with you, and you’ll set yourself up for the best experience possible.